Love you Di…

Happy Birthday Didi…

Arre aise ni dekho,thik hai, i don’t call u didi.. I don’t show what i feel and how much I love you and respect you. It is may be because i don’t know how to show my feelings or may be because I don’t have to show it to you cause you already know this.

But today I want to tell you( I want to write to you cause kah to ye kabi ni paungi) that I do love you and It’s not only because you are my elder sister,my family or not only for whatever you do or whatever you have done for me earlier but i do cause you have earned it all. You were always there whenever i needed you, whenever i looked up to you for something. And many times i didn’t even have to ask for anything cause somehow you already knew what i wanted.

You have scolded me, shouted on me, got angry on me (though you have to come first to talk each time as I am stubborn) or slapped me( either in real anger or in fun.) But more than all this you have loved me, cared for me and been my guide through out.

You have always been there for me,when you were here or when you are far. Not only for me but for all of us. I wish i could be the same for you. I wish i could be the sister you can count on like i count on you blindly( you don’t go with the blind one.)

One more thing which maybe you don’t know that’s why you don’t appreciate yourself so let me tell you that not only me but many people like you and respect you for what you are, how you handle situations, how you talk, how you convince others for goodness.Keeping it short- people like everything about you so Never change. Always be yourself.

There are so many oceans of words to tell you, but none of them will express the depth of my love for you. Words are not enough,they are never gonna be enough.

From all my heart I wish you to be Happy and Healthy. I wish you to live your life to the fullest, and fill it with the brightest moments.. Have a Wonderful Birthday Di….Actually you are more than that..more than just an elder sister..my words are still not done yet but don’t want to make you bore of me and my saddu words…

P.S. I Love you Di…!!

(Thik hai hasna ni..I know what you are thinking,ye nirdayi nishthur kya bol rhi..sachchi it’s hard to say these 3 words..but always know that no matter what but I do Love you…)

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What the truth is?

You are just a passing flame

That’s what i thought when we first met

I thought you will walk away

So I can’t let myself feel that way

I told myself not to care

I told myself not to share

But that’s all just insane

God had a different plan.

My truth is

I love you

And I surrendered myself to you

So if you love me too

I need to know from you

What your truth is.

Given words to my feelings

Hidden for so long, couldn’t anymore

This secret hurts,couldn’t deal with

Keeping it inside,brought me tortured nights

But now i have uttered my feelings

Now no sorry no regrets.

I am trying reading your eyes

Trying reading your mind

Trying getting meanings from your words

But scared

What if my heart makes me feel

What I want to feel

Don’t want to make fool out of me

So I am leaving it to you and

Wish to know from you

What your truth is.

I Am not asking for more,is it?

I don’t know the love vibes
But when you are with me I feel comfortable,

And when you embrace me, I forget all my pains
It’s the best feeling ever
Gives me calm and peace

I wish I could be same for you too

You could feel same with me

I could be your resting wings

Where you could feel comfort and peace.

I don’t want to know the intricacies of love.

I just want to see you happy.

I don’t know how to express my love.
I just don’t want you to get wet in the rain,
When we share same umbrella.

I just don’t want you to walk on the right

When we walk on a paced road.

I don’t know how to express my Love.

Your smile can put moon to shame,

You have that bright aura.
Your eyes can shoot my heart

Without causing a single harm to my skin

Your arms can make me feel warm in chilled

Without any fire,just with embrace

Baby you just lack those wings

But nobody can deny
If I say, ‘you are an angel’.

I am not asking anything more, is it?

If I say

I want to watch you close eyes besides me

For it’s good to see you fall asleep

I want to see you smile

Unknowingly in your sleep

I wonder if you are dreaming me

Only this thought gives butterflies in veins.

If your Love is a dream then I wish it to be true

Cause I am madly in love with you

Just want to stay together with you
Until my last breath.

Baby I am not asking more,is it?

Dear Diary

Today i picked up my dear diary

Feels like I am holding my life

That has passed already

And what I see is

Every single page pictures “you”

And sometimes “us.”

Unforgettable moments these are

It’s journey of our life

We have traveled together so far

Every single page is taking me to our world

Places are passing so fast

Pictures are changing rapidly

Feels like we were so much in pace

Never looked back,never stopped

There’s no Regret,only Love

It was so real then

it is so real now

We were so much in Love then

We are so much in Love now

Nothing’s changed

Only the things are stable

We are riding it slow

We are in no rush.

This diary works as time machine

Only that I am not choosing date and time

Going random

When I go back in time,found us in pace again

Like at this moment I am here

And in the very next

I am in another world

But I am not alone

I feel you here

With hand in hand

As I am living the moments with you all again.

Emotions are so heightened

Reaching to the shore of mind

As high tide

They are touching the soul

Wetting me in tears

I know they are not real anymore

These are just the memories,the pictures

And all that I am doing is

Chasing them

I am running behind the waves

No fear of drowning

In Fact I am willing same

For never coming back

But I know I have to

I am aware it’s past and

It’s today where I should live

So my Luv

Many new worlds are unseen

We need to travel them along

I need to build many more time machines for us

That can give us ride

At the time we can’t walk ourselves

At that very time

We will cherish these moments

We’ll fill no rush then

We can take halt at every places

Till the time we wish

We will stay somewhere there

In our favorite moments

In our favorite world

“Forever”

Then we don’t have to come back

That will be our Land

“For Eternity.”

Do you remember?

Do you remember?

How we used to share everything

Since morning till evening.

Do you remember?

How I used to get angry with you

On not picking up my call

On not calling me back

On not responding my messages

On not sending me daily greetings.

Do you remember?

I leave my phone after daily greetings

Now see !

Days are passing without us talking about ourselves

I don’t feel blowed up, seeing you talking to that one person

I listen everything you talk about others

Or that one person

Now see !

I turn my face when i see you looking at that one person with same love

Now I off my sight from you.

And I am just someone to you.

Now see !

Things are changed

You are changed

I am changed

Only difference is,we talk in my head

And every time at the end

I ask you the same

Do you think about me?

Do you miss me anyday?

You called yesterday

Yesterday you called me
After a long gap
How’s going?
First thing I heard.
I am doing “good!”
I said back
Though
“Good” was never enough for me
I always have ocean of words to pour my feelings
But all I said was a single word
It was not “good” me
You knew it
But didn’t question me back anything.
Expecting you to ask me more about me
But all you asked “did you cry?”
I said “no”
But wanted to say “yes”
Wanted to say “yes a lot”
Wanted to say “Come hold me tight”
Wanted to say “I want to lean on your shoulder”
But all my mind could think then
Why you questioned this?
Can’t you feel this?
Can’t you hear my heart cry?
You didn’t turn back to say “don’t lie to me”
Cause you were the one who knew my silence
You knew what my words exactly meant
I wanted to cry that time too
But you hate this,I always knew
I couldn’t sob but kept quite
You didn’t realize that awkward silence.
You questioned next “did you ask for help to forget me?”
“Is there Anyone who took me out of your thoughts?”
I was totally shocked, you asked me this
Wanted to say a lot back then
“How dare you ask me this?”
“Who are you”?
“Where is the person I used to know?”
You could never say something like this
Then “why?”
But chose to keep quite instead
And I found out, you didn’t realize that silence too.
A moment before your call I had hope for us
But now there’s hope “not for a moment”
A moment before your call I wanted to try
But now there’s no scope for trying
I think “why even thinking to give it a try”
it doesn’t worth it.
At the end of that call,all that you had to say was
“I am glad that you are good, I am also doing great so catch you later”

“Bye”
And after holding All my breath
All my strength
All my dead hopes
All my shattered feelings
And after collecting words from my ocean
This is what I could say to you

“Good Bye.”

Black Board

I think a lot, like all the time. My mind is always on a roller coaster of thoughts.I think a lot, like all the time. My mind is always on a roller coaster of thoughts. These thoughts keep messing in my head and make my emotions so high at a moment and low at the very next. They keep moving inside and out of me like I am able to see them with my open eyes. They don’t need to knock at the door or wait for my permission to enter. They just get in no matter where I am or what am I doing.
All that I mean is I think while I am working, while I am walking, while I am just sitting in peace or I am eating or I am going to sleep.
Sometimes it’s hard for me because I can’t close my eyes in night even though I am trying so hard to sleep. I keep opening my eyes and think while watching the sealing. They do not allow me to see things around me. They keep showing me the past incidents or the imagination of future. These thoughts keep me away from the reality most of the time.
I miss things and I miss conversations going in front of me because they take me to some other places. Sometimes these places are beautiful than the reality,and I literally love to stay there but imaginations are imaginations. You can’t stay there for long.
So I thought why don’t I use this time.I planned to think about something,I can write on. With this plan, yesterday I sat close to the window,all relaxed. This is the place where I have read and written some very good works.
I was surprised because it’s been couple of minutes and I got no thought about anything. I was truly thinking about nothing. But I decided to stay there for another couple of minutes, in a hope. After some more times,I found myself in the middle of nowhere. I could not get a single clue yet. That very time I realized that in fact i had no idea what I was trying to think about. I fizzled out. After few seconds I did it again….. fizzled !
I stayed there for hours but ended up with the feeling of being all blank. Nothing across the head.. no thought,nothing. My head was as blank as it was a brand new black board.
There I got a feeling of being surprised of myself as I was unable to complete a single thought though I was all alone. And getting a place without any disturbance is kind of heaven for someone,trying to get an idea of subject.
This should be unsatisfactory for me to spare so much time in vain. But i felt just opposite of it. It was truly a wonderful experience. It’s hard for me to get. It was a feeling of relief and peace of mind. It brought me the joy of being free of all kind of thoughts..thoughts that I used to get all the time. This feeling led me to one conclusion as I remember:
“I was Ecstatically Blank.” It was wonderful. My head was vacant and that time I was able to see through the window. I was seeing the trees, the flowers, the birds, clouds, soil.. everything. I could see everything,that was around me.
I am not sure if I am able to control the thoughts and stop them to break in to my doors because this I really love the peace I felt yesterday. I want to feel that always or may be often. I know that I have to become strong enough for this. These thoughts keep messing in my head and make my emotions so high at a moment and low at the very next. They keep moving inside and out of me like I am able to see them with my open eyes. They don’t need to knock at the door or wait for my permission to enter. They just get in no matter where I am or what am I doing.

All that I mean is I think while I am working, while I am walking, while I am just sitting in peace or I am eating or I am going to sleep.
Sometimes it’s hard for me because I can’t close my eyes in night even though I am trying so hard to sleep. I keep opening my eyes and think while watching the sealing. They do not allow me to see things around me. They keep showing me the past incidents or the imagination of future. These thoughts keep me away from the reality most of the time.
I miss things and I miss conversations going in front of me because they take me to some other places. Sometimes these places are beautiful than the reality,and I literally love to stay there but imaginations are imaginations. You can’t stay there for long.
So I thought why don’t I use this time.I planned to think about something,I can write on. With this plan, yesterday I sat close to the window,all relaxed. This is the place where I have read and written some very good works.
I was surprised because it’s been couple of minutes and I got no thought about anything. I was truly thinking about nothing. But I decided to stay there for another couple of minutes, in a hope. After some more times,I found myself in the middle of nowhere. I could not get a single clue yet. That very time I realized that in fact i had no idea what I was trying to think about. I fizzled out. After few seconds I did it again….. fizzled !
I stayed there for hours but ended up with the feeling of being all blank. Nothing across the head.. no thought,nothing. My head was as blank as it was a brand new black board.
There I got a feeling of being surprised of myself as I was unable to complete a single thought though I was all alone. And getting a place without any disturbance is kind of heaven for someone,trying to get an idea of subject.
This should be unsatisfactory for me to spare so much time in vain. But i felt just opposite of it. It was truly a wonderful experience. It’s hard for me to get. It was a feeling of relief and peace of mind. It brought me the joy of being free of all kind of thoughts..thoughts that I used to get all the time. This feeling led me to one conclusion as I remember:
“I was Ecstatically Blank.” It was wonderful. My head was vacant and that time I was able to see through the window. I was seeing the trees, the flowers, the birds, clouds, soil.. everything. I could see everything,that was around me.
I am not sure if I am able to control the thoughts and stop them to break in to my doors because this I really love the peace I felt yesterday. I want to feel that always or may be often. I know that I have to become strong enough for this.I think a lot, like all the time. My mind is always on a roller coaster of thoughts. These thoughts keep messing in my head and make my emotions so high at a moment and low at the very next. They keep moving inside and out of me like I am able to see them with my open eyes. They don’t need to knock at the door or wait for my permission to enter. They just get in no matter where I am or what am I doing.
All that I mean is I think while I am working, while I am walking, while I am just sitting in peace or I am eating or I am going to sleep.
Sometimes it’s hard for me because I can’t close my eyes in night even though I am trying so hard to sleep. I keep opening my eyes and think while watching the sealing. They do not allow me to see things around me. They keep showing me the past incidents or the imagination of future. These thoughts keep me away from the reality most of the time.
I miss things and I miss conversations going in front of me because they take me to some other places. Sometimes these places are beautiful than the reality,and I literally love to stay there but imaginations are imaginations. You can’t stay there for long.
So I thought why don’t I use this time.I planned to think about something,I can write on. With this plan, yesterday I sat close to the window,all relaxed. This is the place where I have read and written some very good works.
I was surprised because it’s been couple of minutes and I got no thought about anything. I was truly thinking about nothing. But I decided to stay there for another couple of minutes, in a hope. After some more times,I found myself in the middle of nowhere. I could not get a single clue yet. That very time I realized that in fact i had no idea what I was trying to think about. I fizzled out. After few seconds I did it again….. fizzled !
I stayed there for hours but ended up with the feeling of being all blank. Nothing across the head.. no thought,nothing. My head was as blank as it was a brand new black board.
There I got a feeling of being surprised of myself as I was unable to complete a single thought though I was all alone. And getting a place without any disturbance is kind of heaven for someone,trying to get an idea of subject.
This should be unsatisfactory for me to spare so much time in vain. But i felt just opposite of it. It was truly a wonderful experience. It’s hard for me to get. It was a feeling of relief and peace of mind. It brought me the joy of being free of all kind of thoughts..thoughts that I used to get all the time. This feeling led me to one conclusion as I remember:
“I was Ecstatically Blank.” It was wonderful. My head was vacant and that time I was able to see through the window. I was seeing the trees, the flowers, the birds, clouds, soil.. everything. I could see everything,that was around me.
I am not sure if I am able to control the thoughts and stop them to break in to my doors because this I really love the peace I felt yesterday. I want to feel that always or may be often. I know that I have to become strong enough for this.